Second Month

Liam will be 8 weeks old on Monday. Not quite two months but almost there. He has changed so much in the past four weeks. He has filled out in the face and continues to do so daily. His cheeks are coming in and he is getting some dark roots from all the hair that fell out. He is now focusing on everything. He can follow your fingers and loves to stare and study. He is still struggling with gas but we are working on it. His digestive system is slow. He did this week at (7 weeks) look at me and smile. Although he won't do it for anyone else, he does it for Momma! :) He loves to lay on his belly and loves to kick and jump with his legs. He is amazing us with his strength he can turn his head, lift his head, and hold his whole body up. He has just this week started to go to bed with 5 oz of a pumped bottle around 10pm and sleeps until 3:00 or 3:30 then wakes back up around 6:30. Thank the Lord a routine is starting to fall into place. HE LOVES HIS BATH. He hates to get out afterward but he is now loving to sit in the warm water. I am enjoying him so much. It feels like I am playing house all the time. It's such a blessing to be a mommy. It is hard to balance getting things done between his feedings and nap times. He does like to be held. :) It is a great adventure each day. Now if only I could get used to getting out and about with him. . . :) I have to update his scrapbook and print some pictures out before I get behind! Hopefully I can keep up with the milestones!

First Month

Liam's first month seems like a blur. During those first four weeks I dealt with ER visits and intense pyschological battles with excess bleeding. Thankfully our family was there for us. Liam was greatly cared for and so was I. Those every 2 and half our feedings seem so far off now. Man was it tiring. Basically he slept, ate, and pooped ;). Ah, the life of a newborn. I must add that he is though full of expression. His furrowed brow, smile, and random looks always kept us laughing :). His first four weeks was adjustment. That I won't forget.

He's HERE!!

LIAM MORGAN VAN KLUYVE
October 5, 2009 11:11 a.m.
6.3 pounds and 20 inches long

Birth Story

Liam made his debut at 11:11 a.m. on Monday morning October 5, 2009. Although we knew that he would be born on Monday due to the induction, we never expected him to be born so quickly. He made his arrival in 4 hours!

Richard and I tried to go to bed around 9:00 Sunday night. It was nice to have our bags packed and everything in order. I was praying for weeks that we would be able to do that and thank God we were. It was stressful constantly looking over at a bag we packed for weeks wondering what else I could shove down in it at the last minute if my water broke, but thankfully the plan panned out.

We woke up around 4:00 a.m. and were both silent. It was like Christmas but with a twist. The fear of the unknown was a bit discerning but I wasn't at all scared. I had been dealing with stress for three weeks with pre-term labor and resting at home, so I was ready. The ride to the hospital was a bit surreal. We both didn't say much of anything. It was still dark and even the traffic lights weren't working. It was a surreal ride. We pulled into the ER, where we had to enter because even the hospital doors were locked until six, carried out our load of cameras, sleeping pallets, and pillows, got our admission papers and headed up to Labor and Delivery.

At 5:00 a.m. I was tagged and given room 204 which coincidentally was the same room I was put in at 35 weeks to stop my labor. The nurses were wonderful from the minute we stepped onto the floor. Kim was my nurse for the whole day, and oh how I had prayed for her. I asked the Lord for a nurse that was quiet in spirit and compassionate and boy did I get her. She was wonderful and calm and explained everything to me.

I was first handed the gown and told to change. Richard and I at that point were excited but anxious.

They hooked me to the fetal monitor, asked me a million general questions that were put into the computer, and the IV was put in. The purpose of the IV, especially if you are having an epidural or are induced is to get fluids into your body to keep you hydrated. I have to say the IV was no fun, but the cold drip felt great. Now that I look back I feel like the IV was worse than the epidural. After the IV was put in the pitocin was started. The drug that brings on contractions for induction. I was expecting immediate contractions and was nervous but was relieved to only feel subtle changes. Once my fluids were in and the pitocin was started we were nearing 7:00 a.m. Dr. McGuire was going to come in around 7:30 to break my water. As we waited Richard and I both watched the monitor with the Liam's heartbeat and my contractions. They were about every 7 minutes.

Around 7:30 a.m. the doctor came in, and boy was I so thankful to see Dr. McGuire. That was yet another plus about being induced. My doctor was right down the hall at her practice and could come in periodically and check in on me all throughout the day. She checked me immediately and to my surprise and hers I was already at 4cm and 100% effaced. She said the water sack was right at her finger tips. So immediately she broke my water. Again another experience that I was leery about, but it felt like nothing more than a regular pelvic exam. I'm thankful though because my water bag was close and some women have said getting their water broken was painful. I barley felt mine but immediately felt the warm gush that came out. Thankfully the nurse and Dr. McGuire knew exactly what they are doing and they let my water out slowly and changed towels immediately. I was worried I would gush all over the table, but was again surprised by the simple painlessness. As soon as my water broke Dr. McGuire put me on the epidural list.

The next thing I knew my contractions were immediately getting more and more intense. They were taking me by surprise and I remember Stephanie Wise coming in with a gift basket. I tried to conceal my pain and put a smile on my face but inside I was thinking if this is already so intense what is it going to really be like when I'm more dilated and where is that epidural guy. Richard never left my side and would tell me when the contractions were peaking and when I'd get a break. I remember Carrie telling me that at least you get breaks in between them but mine were coming so close I couldn't help but to wonder where my breaks were! The pain is hard to describe. The worst menstrual cramps you can imagine is not exactly what it feels like. It's a strange pain that no one can explain to you until you experience it yourself.

Finally the anesthesiologist showed himself. The whole epidural took about 30 minutes from the time they hook it up and get some questions answered. They run a test dose and then the real stuff is dripped in through the catheter. After about 15 minutes I was sat on the edge of the bed and told to stay really still. He gave me the first numbing shot and then placed the epidural catheter in. The first shot felt nothing more than a tiny bee sting and burned a bit, this was the numbing shot, and then after that I couldn't feel the epidural needle at all. The only sensation I felt was the catheter wire being pushed down into my back. I felt a weird sensation of something moving down my lower back. Once the tape was in place I laid down and PRAYED it would start working. My contractions were happening so rapidly that I was in another world. Kim checked me again and was surprised to see I was between 8 and 9 cm and she went ahead and called Dr. McGuire. She also told me we were going to start practice pushes and she set prepared the bed for labor. All the while my contractions intensified.

I was getting restless and was in a lot of pain. My legs were numb but my contractions weren't going away. I was so scared that I couldn't go through with labor without the epidural, but I was beginning to wonder if it was to late and if anything would help the pain. I remember gripping the side of the bed and blowing out air constantly. Trying to get in oxygen was not happening and the oxygen mask did not help. Nothing helped. The contractions were so close together that I couldn't describe the pain to anyone. It was the most intense thing I have ever felt or could ever imagine! I never yelled or said anything just tried to concentrate on blowing out air. It took all I had to remember to breathe and as much as I was trying to not think about it, the sudden urge to throw up keep creeping into my mind. I did later throw up a few times before the actual pushing, and that was yet another experience in itself. I'm not to good with meds and drugs.

Because the pain intensified. I began to wonder if the epidural was even in right but at this point I couldn't focus on anything other than the pain. I literally thought I'd rather die. At my breaking point I said "OH MY GOD THIS HURTS" and at that point Richard called the front desk and the nurse of anesthetist rushed in and gave me a huge dose of epidural by shooting it into my catheter drip. Apparently the epidural couldn't catch up to how quickly I had dilated but the extra dose immediately started to ease the pain. I went from a 10 in pain to maybe a 4 in the matter of 10 minutes. I was so thankful at that point but scared at the same time. My legs felt so heavy and lifeless, and I still had pushing ahead of me. I also had already thrown up a few times and I hadn't eaten since midnight the night before.

Once the epidural kicked in completely, we started practice pushes. It was so hard to tell if I was actually pushing because everything is completely numb. From the lower abdomen down everything is numb and heavy so you have to guess and assume your body remembers how to push without feeling that your actually doing it. Your mind has to take over. You have to decide that even though you feel nothing you have to assume you are pushing correctly. During these practice pushes everything was so calm. Kim the nurse Richard, mom, and I were the only ones in the room and that surprised me. I figured the pushing would bring in other nurses but it was nice to "practice" calmly.
I also continued to feel nauseated and tried to hold back the throw up.

Once I started crowing Dr. McGuire came in. She was surprised that I had progressed so fast, but I was thankful. We began the heavy pushing and in between I threw up another three times. I was so weak but after 45 minutes of pushing I remember Dr. McGuire telling me that she could get the vacuum to help me get Liam out but I decided that I had it in me to get this baby out on my own. I remember being in a fog. I kept my eyes closed through all of the pushing. Nurses did flood in when the actual baby was being born. I remember someone taking my left leg and Kim holding my right. Richard watched the whole delivery down with Dr. McGuire. I remember hearing "That's it" "Come on Babe" "He's right there" "Keep pushing". . . I looked around a few times and saw there were even more nurses in the room all with smiles on there faces. In between pushes I threw up and remember having to fight the urge through each push. It was quite the experience but again you are in another world. It's an out of body experience. You feel like your there but you feel like your not.

"Here he comes" was the last thing I really remember before the satisfaction of feeling his head come out. It was the greatest feeling of relief. I stopped pushing and then was told to push one more time and out he came screaming from the start. They put him right up on my belly and I remember saying "Hey baby"!! It was a surreal moment. Richard immediately cut the cord and kissed me with tear filled eyes. I love yous were exchanged and then they whisked Liam off to the warmer beside me. They cleaned him up and prepped him and he looked perfect.

While he was getting all the attention, I was getting cleaned up. I remember the doctor asking if I wanted to see my placenta and I kindly turned her down. I had an episiotomy and remember seeing her stitch me up and then remember being oh so thankful for the epidural. What I didn't expect was the intense pain that came while she pushed on my stomach. No one warned me about that. It was horrific. I actually remember moaning out load at that. She had to get all excess blood and any placenta out of my stomach. That was something I hadn't expecting nor want to remember.

After I was cleaned up, still in a fog mind you, they placed Liam on my chest all bundled up. They let him stay with me for an hour to nurse and bond and it was precious time for Richard and I. My mom left the room to go announce his arrival and we three bonded our new family! It was bitter sweet. After an hour they took him into the nursery and Richard went with him for his bath and tests. It was over, I had a baby! It is an empowering moment, but I was exhausted and had to remain chipper for the family that was coming in. It's a happy wonderful moment but it also surreal and exhausting.

Liam weighed 6 pounds and 3 ounces. I was surprised he was so small. He passed all his test with flying colors and the nurses were all commenting on how long he was 20 inches for his tiny weight. He was perfect and everyone thought so!

The next events were all trivial now that I look back. My epidural didn't wear off in my legs for 6 hours because of the high extra dose they shot me with at 9 cm. Because I couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't get up and move around or go to the bathroom. I did try to go the bathroom but fainted while sitting on the toliet. I was to weak but thankfully my wonderful husband was holding me up and carried me back to bed. Later I had to get a catheder to drain my urine and then attempted the bathroom trip again before bed. It was a success but again after labor and throwing up and being numb I was exhausted and weak beyond my expectation. I kept thinking of other friends who were up moving and showering two hours later. That wasn't my case at all.

We sent Liam to the nursery each night and tried to rest as much as possible. The nurses come in every three hours for pain meds and to check your vitals so sleep for mom isn't happening. Richard however loved his mattress we brought, which I recommend, and was out cold! :) He did however help me to the bathroom, changed my pads, and gave me meds. He is the greatest husband. Nothing phased him whatsoever. He was wonderful. All our friends came to visit followed by a few visitor on Tuesday and Wednesday morning. It's nice to feel loved but overwhelming at the same time when you don't feel up to par. I remember having a few breakdowns. Some of many to come. Hormones are raging.

We were sent home on Wednesday. Liam was circumsized, poked, prodded, and tested. He passed everything with flying colors. We were so thankful for a healthy baby, and on Wednesday afternoon we packed up and headed home. Thankfully my mom and Donna didn't leave our side. They came in cleaned up everything had dinner and didn't let me lift a finger. I highly recommended recruiting help! You are just physically exhausted!

My story didn't end there. Five days later after feeling good and starting to get my strength back, I had excessive bleeding. Bleeding that scared me beyond words. I was put on a medication that jump started contractions. Their purpose was to make me contract to push out any left over placenta or blood that was causing the bleeding. It was terribly painful and I had to be on intense pain killers to get through the pain. I passed the remaining clots and felt surly that it was over. Two weeks later it came back again and after a trip to the ER more blood tests run and worry beyond words, I finally am able to say I am feeling better and passed the icky stuff. My ultrasounds were clear of blood and Dr. McGuire felt confident that I was over the bad stuff. My blood tests were perfect and now I am just recovering day by day and getting used to life with a newborn. I'm so thankful the Lord was with me through everything and is still with me! There were some dark moments I have to admit, but Satan didn't get the best of me. I am also oh so thankful for my parents and Richard's parents who took care of me stayed the night and did everything for me. I couldn't have done it without them.

So that's my labor and delivery story from start to finish. I must say when I think back to how worried I was about labor I can laugh. Labor was so simple compared to the issues I had the weeks before and the weeks after. The labor was the easy part.

I can't lie, this is so difficult being a new mom. No sleep and trying to balance my life keeping up with the house and trying to feel remotely normal is hard. I have been told by everyone that the first 6 weeks is hell. So I'm trudging through it! I am so however in love with my Liam! :) He is beyond the greatest gift!

Counting Down

Today marks the 3rd day of my 37th week. 18 more days till my due date, but thankfully only a few more till I'm induced. So many things are running through my mind. At my last checkup yesterday Dr. McGuire said I was a full 3 cm and 100% effaced. She also said his head was right within touch. Its amazing that I am already so far along and yet nothing has progressed me into active labor. I'm pretty miserable now. I haven't been out of the house much in two and a half weeks. I just get to nervous that my water will break or my contractions will pick up if I'm out and about. They seem to come on the more I move around and while most women welcome this, I have had to keep him in until full term which was Monday. So resting has been what I've had to do. It's been hard. This is hard on your body and spirit. Not to many people tell you that.

There's a constant since of urgency on your brian too. You want to make sure again and again that the bags are packed just right and that everything is in place. Your brain is constantly concerned with what your body is feeling and if it is time. Most women don't have to deal with the early labor I have had. I've dealt cramping and contractions for the last two and half weeks. They are uncomfortable and stressful. I've dealt with Tributalene medication that has made me feel terrible and now I'm justing bearing through contraction after contraction that doesn't seem to amount to anything. A lot of women don't feel this until they are in labor so they have a clear answer as to whether they should go in or not, but since I've had them for weeks I'm still not quite sure as to when I should go. I've been told to wait until my water breaks or my contractions are 5 minutes apart and terribly unbearable. I'm just concerned that since I've already dilated to 3 cm the actual labor will speed things up and happen to quickly.

I just want to say this has been the hardest part of pregnancy for me. The constant thoughts about the new baby and about how things will play out, the waiting game, the intense pressure on my body, and the constant fear of the unknown about birth. I still have a hard time believing that there is an actual human being inside of my body that I'm going to meet very soon. I can't wait to meet him but I'm ready for this process to be over. Negative Nancy I guess you could call me, but at this point and with this discomfort I am just ready to hold my baby and have my body back. 10 months is A LONG time to not feel like yourself. I've been blessed with a great pregnancy but these past few weeks have put a toll on my body and my emotions.

SO hopefully next time I write will be expressing how incredible it feels to be a mother. I have enjoyed snuggling with my husband and remembering all the times we've had thus far together, and we are getting excited about the new memories we will make as a family. It's been emotional to think about the change that's going to happen, considering it will never be the two of us again, but I think we are ready to pour our 10 years worth of loving each other into someone else. He is so wonderful and is so excited to meet his boy or his "buddy" as he was say. We are leaning on and trusting our Lord and trying to wait patiently!!


Info to remember ***
(I've gained about 25.5 pounds to date. I think that's where I'll stay, and we are thinking Liam will be between 6.12 and 7.3 lbs) :).

Liam's Latest Update

Today's 35 week appointment went well. I am now at 2 cm and still 80% effaced. So I have progressed half a cm over the past few days but nothing else. The doctor also suggested that I get off of the pill I've been on because of how lousy it has been making me feel. She says the pill won't stop labor it will just ease the discomfort, but I am not in active labor at this point. She seems to think that I may feel better without the pill and so I'm going to try and stay off it and see what happens. The contractions and cramping may come back but she has had women deal with those kind of things months before labor. She said that if I was earlier than 35 weeks she would be concerned but that she isn't concerned at this point and to take the pill if I didn't want to deal with the nagging idea of "should we go in" or "should we wait it out."

The ultrasound was perfect and Liam looks perfect in every way. I couldn't make out much in the pictures but he was keeping his hands in front of his face and wouldn't cooperate. Right now he weighs 5.8 lbs and she said that even if I carried him full term he would only be around 7 to 7.5 lbs. She also said that if I still felt this way at 38 weeks she would induce and he would be around 6.5 or a high 6 lbs baby. I was thrilled with that. Small baby :). . .

So now we wait. I'm not technically on bed rest. She just suggested that I take it easy and call if I can't handle the discomfort. Its hard to play a waiting game and not have any control over what your body is wanting to do. We are just praying he stays in a few more weeks and that I can handle the discomfort that comes along with it.

On a funny note she did say that there was a lot of amniotic fluid around him which was wonderful but that when my water broke it would be a huge gush not just a small leakage. So here I am a ticking time bomb just waiting to feel something or feel nothing. Being pregnant is a strange and wonderful thing all at the same time. So here's to waiting. . . .

The Latest

I thought I would share quickly what has happened over the past few days. I started having some minor cramping Wednesday night that continued all day Thursday and into Friday. I had both showers this past weekend and was a little nervous about the cramping I was experiencing. So after I called the doctor she suggested I go into Labor and Delivery and get checked out for peace of mind. I debated it ALL day and finally decided around 5:00 that we should go in. Once we got there and got settled, I was hooked to a fetal monitor and found out I was contracting every 3 to 5 minutes. I then got checked and was almost 2 cm and 80% effaced. To my shock they told me that I needed to get the labor stopped seeing that I was not even 35 weeks yet. After a series of three shots of, a drug that stops labor, I was sent home but not before a long visit with the trash can on the way out. Needless to say it was no fun. I was terribly upset seeing that I had two showers upcoming.

Saturday morning I woke up with the same cramping and called the doctor. They prescribed me the pill form of the shots I had been given. The shots/pill both cause shaking, dizziness, and heart racing. I was not feeling to great but managed to make it to my shower with my high school friends hosted by Jessica Van Trease. It was an amazing shower and I am so blessed to have them. Then yesterday I had my TDF shower and was beyond overwhelmed with everything I got. I even had to leave the shower for a bit because I was feeling so bad, but I managed to make it through. Thanks to Jenny and Jess everything got put away washed and organized all while I watched from the couch. I've been told to rest only.

So today I've had a few contractions here and there but I go in tomorrow for my ultrasound and to get checked again. We will see how big Liam is and go from there. Hopefully he will be big enough that my labor won't have to be controlled by the pill. I"m just really praying the Lord watches over both of us and that everything will work out.

There's the quick update. Not to formal just needed to get it down so that I can remember this. I'll update after the appointment tomorrow.

34 Weeks

I am officially only 6 weeks off from my due date. Last doctor appointment went well. Gained 2 more pounds putting me at 25 pounds now. I'm still thinking I'll top out at around 30 pounds. We took the tour of Summit and got to see the baby floor and where we would be staying. It made everything seem a lot more real. As far as symptoms go at this stage. I'm getting tired. I really don't want to stand for long periods of time and it's really difficult to breathe. Liam still moves constantly and has the hiccups sometimes four times a day. She said he will most likely have them that many times out of the womb too. FUN :)! It's hard at night now. I'm waking up almost every two hours from discomfort. It seems like every way I try to lay I get sore, have to use the bathroom, or can't breathe. I'm continuing to have my Braxton Hicks and I go in next week for our last ultrasound. My two baby showers are this week too on Saturday and Sunday :). I'm excited and thankful for those who love me enough to help. Once I have those things cleaned and put away, I will feel so much better about things. Things are moving along. I can't believe I'll be having a baby next month! :) I can't wait to see you Liam!

Richard continues to be very sweet and supportive. Everyone is overly protective and Richard still talks constantly to Liam calling him his buddy. :) I'm starting to get the "wow your really showing now" "that belly is sticking out" "I think it's grown in a few days". Oh the things people say. I have learned what not to say to someone who is pregnant!