The past two weeks have completely taught me new things about myself. Before my surgery, I was consumed with fear, doubt, and worry. I knew in the back of mind that the surgery would be over, I would recover, and all the worry and fear would have been wasted for nothing, but non the less, I still let myself get caught in that snare of fear. Now, almost two weeks later I have learned my lesson, and many more. Fear has been the most negative characteristic of my being for a while, and I still struggle with it, but these past two weeks have changed me. I've learned that my situations will not be any better, no matter how much effort I put into worrying and fearing over them. I've learned that that fear only destroys you and pulls you down. I've learned that fear can consume you to believe almost anything other than what you know you should be believing. I worried for a year over a surgery that lasted 40 minutes. I've learned to admire people who have the ability to not let fear creep in to their beings. Some people's mind's never go to that place. They are always confident and always sure that the situations they are in will work out no matter what the circumstances. I have learned that I am to quick to become anxious, and I have learned that God's peace is amazing.
I had a dream the night before last. Of course I have been on a strong antibiotic for the past few days and I believe it has interrupted my sleeping greately, meaning that my dreams have been very odd. The only dream I remember to detail was short, but unbelievably real. I remember having this great fear in my heart. In my dream, Richard and I were in bed sleeping just as we were doing. All of a sudden, I opened my eyes and felt the presence of a demon entering our room. I can't describe it to you in any other way. I was encompassed with fear and new exactly what was coming towards me. Although there was nothing physically present, I knew it was entering our bedroom door. Our dog, immediately stood up her back two legs as if she had sensed someone had entered the room. The fear was unexplainable and the only thing that came out of my mouth was "Get out of here, in the name of my Lord Jesus." Without another thought, I literally woke up and the peace that they say surpasses all understanding, surpassed me. I wasn't the least bit scared, and I didn't think about the dream itself until I woke up yesterday. I truly believe that dreams aren't something that are just imagined. I think dreams are thoughts that we have conjured up in our beings. Our restlessness is often revealed and lived through what we dream. All of that to say, I truly feel that the Lord wanted me to see that fear could easily be released with him beside me. He is living in me! What should I fear? The dream truly spoke to me, and I because of it and my experiences the past two weeks, I have learned a great deal about fear and anxiousness. No matter how bad things seem, the Lord is right there beside you and knows the outcome. I've needed to learn that lesson for a long time. These two weeks have made me braver and stronger, and I am thankful for them!
