Almost 3 months. . . .

Liam will be 12 weeks on Monday. I can't believe almost 3 months have gone by. Part of the time is seems to be dragging and then other times the birth and first few weeks are already hard to remember. Liam has stolen my heart for good. He is smiling at everyone and everything now. When he sees Richard he smiles and he reacts to people in such a cute way. He's starting to also respond to "mommy" when he gets fussy. He seems to always calm down when I have him and I secretly LOVE this :)! He is starting to coo and talk to us too. He is using his hands more everyday and is starting to reach out and grab things. He sucks on his hands now because he has discovered the can conveniently fit :). He really is such a joy. He is still sleeping in our room. He hasn't quite gotten the all night sleep down yet. He sleeps for about 6 hours then wakes up to each and goes back to sleep for a few more. I'm thinking though after Christmas we will try him upstairs to see if he doesn't sleep better away from everyone. Mom is crossing her fingers that this works because a good night sleeps sounds heavenly. I do envy those moms who's children already sleep through the night, but then again I had a woman at church tell me that her daughter at 9 months still wakes up 3 times a night. So I'm counting my 6 hours a blessing!

Christmas is in two days. Although Liam won't remember it we will remember it for him. He's had his share of Santa outfits and red onsies. :) We are thanking the Lord for his 11 weeks of life and we are thinking of that baby who came to give us life as we enjoy Liam this Christmas.

Second Month

Liam will be 8 weeks old on Monday. Not quite two months but almost there. He has changed so much in the past four weeks. He has filled out in the face and continues to do so daily. His cheeks are coming in and he is getting some dark roots from all the hair that fell out. He is now focusing on everything. He can follow your fingers and loves to stare and study. He is still struggling with gas but we are working on it. His digestive system is slow. He did this week at (7 weeks) look at me and smile. Although he won't do it for anyone else, he does it for Momma! :) He loves to lay on his belly and loves to kick and jump with his legs. He is amazing us with his strength he can turn his head, lift his head, and hold his whole body up. He has just this week started to go to bed with 5 oz of a pumped bottle around 10pm and sleeps until 3:00 or 3:30 then wakes back up around 6:30. Thank the Lord a routine is starting to fall into place. HE LOVES HIS BATH. He hates to get out afterward but he is now loving to sit in the warm water. I am enjoying him so much. It feels like I am playing house all the time. It's such a blessing to be a mommy. It is hard to balance getting things done between his feedings and nap times. He does like to be held. :) It is a great adventure each day. Now if only I could get used to getting out and about with him. . . :) I have to update his scrapbook and print some pictures out before I get behind! Hopefully I can keep up with the milestones!

First Month

Liam's first month seems like a blur. During those first four weeks I dealt with ER visits and intense pyschological battles with excess bleeding. Thankfully our family was there for us. Liam was greatly cared for and so was I. Those every 2 and half our feedings seem so far off now. Man was it tiring. Basically he slept, ate, and pooped ;). Ah, the life of a newborn. I must add that he is though full of expression. His furrowed brow, smile, and random looks always kept us laughing :). His first four weeks was adjustment. That I won't forget.

He's HERE!!

LIAM MORGAN VAN KLUYVE
October 5, 2009 11:11 a.m.
6.3 pounds and 20 inches long

Birth Story

Liam made his debut at 11:11 a.m. on Monday morning October 5, 2009. Although we knew that he would be born on Monday due to the induction, we never expected him to be born so quickly. He made his arrival in 4 hours!

Richard and I tried to go to bed around 9:00 Sunday night. It was nice to have our bags packed and everything in order. I was praying for weeks that we would be able to do that and thank God we were. It was stressful constantly looking over at a bag we packed for weeks wondering what else I could shove down in it at the last minute if my water broke, but thankfully the plan panned out.

We woke up around 4:00 a.m. and were both silent. It was like Christmas but with a twist. The fear of the unknown was a bit discerning but I wasn't at all scared. I had been dealing with stress for three weeks with pre-term labor and resting at home, so I was ready. The ride to the hospital was a bit surreal. We both didn't say much of anything. It was still dark and even the traffic lights weren't working. It was a surreal ride. We pulled into the ER, where we had to enter because even the hospital doors were locked until six, carried out our load of cameras, sleeping pallets, and pillows, got our admission papers and headed up to Labor and Delivery.

At 5:00 a.m. I was tagged and given room 204 which coincidentally was the same room I was put in at 35 weeks to stop my labor. The nurses were wonderful from the minute we stepped onto the floor. Kim was my nurse for the whole day, and oh how I had prayed for her. I asked the Lord for a nurse that was quiet in spirit and compassionate and boy did I get her. She was wonderful and calm and explained everything to me.

I was first handed the gown and told to change. Richard and I at that point were excited but anxious.

They hooked me to the fetal monitor, asked me a million general questions that were put into the computer, and the IV was put in. The purpose of the IV, especially if you are having an epidural or are induced is to get fluids into your body to keep you hydrated. I have to say the IV was no fun, but the cold drip felt great. Now that I look back I feel like the IV was worse than the epidural. After the IV was put in the pitocin was started. The drug that brings on contractions for induction. I was expecting immediate contractions and was nervous but was relieved to only feel subtle changes. Once my fluids were in and the pitocin was started we were nearing 7:00 a.m. Dr. McGuire was going to come in around 7:30 to break my water. As we waited Richard and I both watched the monitor with the Liam's heartbeat and my contractions. They were about every 7 minutes.

Around 7:30 a.m. the doctor came in, and boy was I so thankful to see Dr. McGuire. That was yet another plus about being induced. My doctor was right down the hall at her practice and could come in periodically and check in on me all throughout the day. She checked me immediately and to my surprise and hers I was already at 4cm and 100% effaced. She said the water sack was right at her finger tips. So immediately she broke my water. Again another experience that I was leery about, but it felt like nothing more than a regular pelvic exam. I'm thankful though because my water bag was close and some women have said getting their water broken was painful. I barley felt mine but immediately felt the warm gush that came out. Thankfully the nurse and Dr. McGuire knew exactly what they are doing and they let my water out slowly and changed towels immediately. I was worried I would gush all over the table, but was again surprised by the simple painlessness. As soon as my water broke Dr. McGuire put me on the epidural list.

The next thing I knew my contractions were immediately getting more and more intense. They were taking me by surprise and I remember Stephanie Wise coming in with a gift basket. I tried to conceal my pain and put a smile on my face but inside I was thinking if this is already so intense what is it going to really be like when I'm more dilated and where is that epidural guy. Richard never left my side and would tell me when the contractions were peaking and when I'd get a break. I remember Carrie telling me that at least you get breaks in between them but mine were coming so close I couldn't help but to wonder where my breaks were! The pain is hard to describe. The worst menstrual cramps you can imagine is not exactly what it feels like. It's a strange pain that no one can explain to you until you experience it yourself.

Finally the anesthesiologist showed himself. The whole epidural took about 30 minutes from the time they hook it up and get some questions answered. They run a test dose and then the real stuff is dripped in through the catheter. After about 15 minutes I was sat on the edge of the bed and told to stay really still. He gave me the first numbing shot and then placed the epidural catheter in. The first shot felt nothing more than a tiny bee sting and burned a bit, this was the numbing shot, and then after that I couldn't feel the epidural needle at all. The only sensation I felt was the catheter wire being pushed down into my back. I felt a weird sensation of something moving down my lower back. Once the tape was in place I laid down and PRAYED it would start working. My contractions were happening so rapidly that I was in another world. Kim checked me again and was surprised to see I was between 8 and 9 cm and she went ahead and called Dr. McGuire. She also told me we were going to start practice pushes and she set prepared the bed for labor. All the while my contractions intensified.

I was getting restless and was in a lot of pain. My legs were numb but my contractions weren't going away. I was so scared that I couldn't go through with labor without the epidural, but I was beginning to wonder if it was to late and if anything would help the pain. I remember gripping the side of the bed and blowing out air constantly. Trying to get in oxygen was not happening and the oxygen mask did not help. Nothing helped. The contractions were so close together that I couldn't describe the pain to anyone. It was the most intense thing I have ever felt or could ever imagine! I never yelled or said anything just tried to concentrate on blowing out air. It took all I had to remember to breathe and as much as I was trying to not think about it, the sudden urge to throw up keep creeping into my mind. I did later throw up a few times before the actual pushing, and that was yet another experience in itself. I'm not to good with meds and drugs.

Because the pain intensified. I began to wonder if the epidural was even in right but at this point I couldn't focus on anything other than the pain. I literally thought I'd rather die. At my breaking point I said "OH MY GOD THIS HURTS" and at that point Richard called the front desk and the nurse of anesthetist rushed in and gave me a huge dose of epidural by shooting it into my catheter drip. Apparently the epidural couldn't catch up to how quickly I had dilated but the extra dose immediately started to ease the pain. I went from a 10 in pain to maybe a 4 in the matter of 10 minutes. I was so thankful at that point but scared at the same time. My legs felt so heavy and lifeless, and I still had pushing ahead of me. I also had already thrown up a few times and I hadn't eaten since midnight the night before.

Once the epidural kicked in completely, we started practice pushes. It was so hard to tell if I was actually pushing because everything is completely numb. From the lower abdomen down everything is numb and heavy so you have to guess and assume your body remembers how to push without feeling that your actually doing it. Your mind has to take over. You have to decide that even though you feel nothing you have to assume you are pushing correctly. During these practice pushes everything was so calm. Kim the nurse Richard, mom, and I were the only ones in the room and that surprised me. I figured the pushing would bring in other nurses but it was nice to "practice" calmly.
I also continued to feel nauseated and tried to hold back the throw up.

Once I started crowing Dr. McGuire came in. She was surprised that I had progressed so fast, but I was thankful. We began the heavy pushing and in between I threw up another three times. I was so weak but after 45 minutes of pushing I remember Dr. McGuire telling me that she could get the vacuum to help me get Liam out but I decided that I had it in me to get this baby out on my own. I remember being in a fog. I kept my eyes closed through all of the pushing. Nurses did flood in when the actual baby was being born. I remember someone taking my left leg and Kim holding my right. Richard watched the whole delivery down with Dr. McGuire. I remember hearing "That's it" "Come on Babe" "He's right there" "Keep pushing". . . I looked around a few times and saw there were even more nurses in the room all with smiles on there faces. In between pushes I threw up and remember having to fight the urge through each push. It was quite the experience but again you are in another world. It's an out of body experience. You feel like your there but you feel like your not.

"Here he comes" was the last thing I really remember before the satisfaction of feeling his head come out. It was the greatest feeling of relief. I stopped pushing and then was told to push one more time and out he came screaming from the start. They put him right up on my belly and I remember saying "Hey baby"!! It was a surreal moment. Richard immediately cut the cord and kissed me with tear filled eyes. I love yous were exchanged and then they whisked Liam off to the warmer beside me. They cleaned him up and prepped him and he looked perfect.

While he was getting all the attention, I was getting cleaned up. I remember the doctor asking if I wanted to see my placenta and I kindly turned her down. I had an episiotomy and remember seeing her stitch me up and then remember being oh so thankful for the epidural. What I didn't expect was the intense pain that came while she pushed on my stomach. No one warned me about that. It was horrific. I actually remember moaning out load at that. She had to get all excess blood and any placenta out of my stomach. That was something I hadn't expecting nor want to remember.

After I was cleaned up, still in a fog mind you, they placed Liam on my chest all bundled up. They let him stay with me for an hour to nurse and bond and it was precious time for Richard and I. My mom left the room to go announce his arrival and we three bonded our new family! It was bitter sweet. After an hour they took him into the nursery and Richard went with him for his bath and tests. It was over, I had a baby! It is an empowering moment, but I was exhausted and had to remain chipper for the family that was coming in. It's a happy wonderful moment but it also surreal and exhausting.

Liam weighed 6 pounds and 3 ounces. I was surprised he was so small. He passed all his test with flying colors and the nurses were all commenting on how long he was 20 inches for his tiny weight. He was perfect and everyone thought so!

The next events were all trivial now that I look back. My epidural didn't wear off in my legs for 6 hours because of the high extra dose they shot me with at 9 cm. Because I couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't get up and move around or go to the bathroom. I did try to go the bathroom but fainted while sitting on the toliet. I was to weak but thankfully my wonderful husband was holding me up and carried me back to bed. Later I had to get a catheder to drain my urine and then attempted the bathroom trip again before bed. It was a success but again after labor and throwing up and being numb I was exhausted and weak beyond my expectation. I kept thinking of other friends who were up moving and showering two hours later. That wasn't my case at all.

We sent Liam to the nursery each night and tried to rest as much as possible. The nurses come in every three hours for pain meds and to check your vitals so sleep for mom isn't happening. Richard however loved his mattress we brought, which I recommend, and was out cold! :) He did however help me to the bathroom, changed my pads, and gave me meds. He is the greatest husband. Nothing phased him whatsoever. He was wonderful. All our friends came to visit followed by a few visitor on Tuesday and Wednesday morning. It's nice to feel loved but overwhelming at the same time when you don't feel up to par. I remember having a few breakdowns. Some of many to come. Hormones are raging.

We were sent home on Wednesday. Liam was circumsized, poked, prodded, and tested. He passed everything with flying colors. We were so thankful for a healthy baby, and on Wednesday afternoon we packed up and headed home. Thankfully my mom and Donna didn't leave our side. They came in cleaned up everything had dinner and didn't let me lift a finger. I highly recommended recruiting help! You are just physically exhausted!

My story didn't end there. Five days later after feeling good and starting to get my strength back, I had excessive bleeding. Bleeding that scared me beyond words. I was put on a medication that jump started contractions. Their purpose was to make me contract to push out any left over placenta or blood that was causing the bleeding. It was terribly painful and I had to be on intense pain killers to get through the pain. I passed the remaining clots and felt surly that it was over. Two weeks later it came back again and after a trip to the ER more blood tests run and worry beyond words, I finally am able to say I am feeling better and passed the icky stuff. My ultrasounds were clear of blood and Dr. McGuire felt confident that I was over the bad stuff. My blood tests were perfect and now I am just recovering day by day and getting used to life with a newborn. I'm so thankful the Lord was with me through everything and is still with me! There were some dark moments I have to admit, but Satan didn't get the best of me. I am also oh so thankful for my parents and Richard's parents who took care of me stayed the night and did everything for me. I couldn't have done it without them.

So that's my labor and delivery story from start to finish. I must say when I think back to how worried I was about labor I can laugh. Labor was so simple compared to the issues I had the weeks before and the weeks after. The labor was the easy part.

I can't lie, this is so difficult being a new mom. No sleep and trying to balance my life keeping up with the house and trying to feel remotely normal is hard. I have been told by everyone that the first 6 weeks is hell. So I'm trudging through it! I am so however in love with my Liam! :) He is beyond the greatest gift!

Counting Down

Today marks the 3rd day of my 37th week. 18 more days till my due date, but thankfully only a few more till I'm induced. So many things are running through my mind. At my last checkup yesterday Dr. McGuire said I was a full 3 cm and 100% effaced. She also said his head was right within touch. Its amazing that I am already so far along and yet nothing has progressed me into active labor. I'm pretty miserable now. I haven't been out of the house much in two and a half weeks. I just get to nervous that my water will break or my contractions will pick up if I'm out and about. They seem to come on the more I move around and while most women welcome this, I have had to keep him in until full term which was Monday. So resting has been what I've had to do. It's been hard. This is hard on your body and spirit. Not to many people tell you that.

There's a constant since of urgency on your brian too. You want to make sure again and again that the bags are packed just right and that everything is in place. Your brain is constantly concerned with what your body is feeling and if it is time. Most women don't have to deal with the early labor I have had. I've dealt cramping and contractions for the last two and half weeks. They are uncomfortable and stressful. I've dealt with Tributalene medication that has made me feel terrible and now I'm justing bearing through contraction after contraction that doesn't seem to amount to anything. A lot of women don't feel this until they are in labor so they have a clear answer as to whether they should go in or not, but since I've had them for weeks I'm still not quite sure as to when I should go. I've been told to wait until my water breaks or my contractions are 5 minutes apart and terribly unbearable. I'm just concerned that since I've already dilated to 3 cm the actual labor will speed things up and happen to quickly.

I just want to say this has been the hardest part of pregnancy for me. The constant thoughts about the new baby and about how things will play out, the waiting game, the intense pressure on my body, and the constant fear of the unknown about birth. I still have a hard time believing that there is an actual human being inside of my body that I'm going to meet very soon. I can't wait to meet him but I'm ready for this process to be over. Negative Nancy I guess you could call me, but at this point and with this discomfort I am just ready to hold my baby and have my body back. 10 months is A LONG time to not feel like yourself. I've been blessed with a great pregnancy but these past few weeks have put a toll on my body and my emotions.

SO hopefully next time I write will be expressing how incredible it feels to be a mother. I have enjoyed snuggling with my husband and remembering all the times we've had thus far together, and we are getting excited about the new memories we will make as a family. It's been emotional to think about the change that's going to happen, considering it will never be the two of us again, but I think we are ready to pour our 10 years worth of loving each other into someone else. He is so wonderful and is so excited to meet his boy or his "buddy" as he was say. We are leaning on and trusting our Lord and trying to wait patiently!!


Info to remember ***
(I've gained about 25.5 pounds to date. I think that's where I'll stay, and we are thinking Liam will be between 6.12 and 7.3 lbs) :).

Liam's Latest Update

Today's 35 week appointment went well. I am now at 2 cm and still 80% effaced. So I have progressed half a cm over the past few days but nothing else. The doctor also suggested that I get off of the pill I've been on because of how lousy it has been making me feel. She says the pill won't stop labor it will just ease the discomfort, but I am not in active labor at this point. She seems to think that I may feel better without the pill and so I'm going to try and stay off it and see what happens. The contractions and cramping may come back but she has had women deal with those kind of things months before labor. She said that if I was earlier than 35 weeks she would be concerned but that she isn't concerned at this point and to take the pill if I didn't want to deal with the nagging idea of "should we go in" or "should we wait it out."

The ultrasound was perfect and Liam looks perfect in every way. I couldn't make out much in the pictures but he was keeping his hands in front of his face and wouldn't cooperate. Right now he weighs 5.8 lbs and she said that even if I carried him full term he would only be around 7 to 7.5 lbs. She also said that if I still felt this way at 38 weeks she would induce and he would be around 6.5 or a high 6 lbs baby. I was thrilled with that. Small baby :). . .

So now we wait. I'm not technically on bed rest. She just suggested that I take it easy and call if I can't handle the discomfort. Its hard to play a waiting game and not have any control over what your body is wanting to do. We are just praying he stays in a few more weeks and that I can handle the discomfort that comes along with it.

On a funny note she did say that there was a lot of amniotic fluid around him which was wonderful but that when my water broke it would be a huge gush not just a small leakage. So here I am a ticking time bomb just waiting to feel something or feel nothing. Being pregnant is a strange and wonderful thing all at the same time. So here's to waiting. . . .

The Latest

I thought I would share quickly what has happened over the past few days. I started having some minor cramping Wednesday night that continued all day Thursday and into Friday. I had both showers this past weekend and was a little nervous about the cramping I was experiencing. So after I called the doctor she suggested I go into Labor and Delivery and get checked out for peace of mind. I debated it ALL day and finally decided around 5:00 that we should go in. Once we got there and got settled, I was hooked to a fetal monitor and found out I was contracting every 3 to 5 minutes. I then got checked and was almost 2 cm and 80% effaced. To my shock they told me that I needed to get the labor stopped seeing that I was not even 35 weeks yet. After a series of three shots of, a drug that stops labor, I was sent home but not before a long visit with the trash can on the way out. Needless to say it was no fun. I was terribly upset seeing that I had two showers upcoming.

Saturday morning I woke up with the same cramping and called the doctor. They prescribed me the pill form of the shots I had been given. The shots/pill both cause shaking, dizziness, and heart racing. I was not feeling to great but managed to make it to my shower with my high school friends hosted by Jessica Van Trease. It was an amazing shower and I am so blessed to have them. Then yesterday I had my TDF shower and was beyond overwhelmed with everything I got. I even had to leave the shower for a bit because I was feeling so bad, but I managed to make it through. Thanks to Jenny and Jess everything got put away washed and organized all while I watched from the couch. I've been told to rest only.

So today I've had a few contractions here and there but I go in tomorrow for my ultrasound and to get checked again. We will see how big Liam is and go from there. Hopefully he will be big enough that my labor won't have to be controlled by the pill. I"m just really praying the Lord watches over both of us and that everything will work out.

There's the quick update. Not to formal just needed to get it down so that I can remember this. I'll update after the appointment tomorrow.

34 Weeks

I am officially only 6 weeks off from my due date. Last doctor appointment went well. Gained 2 more pounds putting me at 25 pounds now. I'm still thinking I'll top out at around 30 pounds. We took the tour of Summit and got to see the baby floor and where we would be staying. It made everything seem a lot more real. As far as symptoms go at this stage. I'm getting tired. I really don't want to stand for long periods of time and it's really difficult to breathe. Liam still moves constantly and has the hiccups sometimes four times a day. She said he will most likely have them that many times out of the womb too. FUN :)! It's hard at night now. I'm waking up almost every two hours from discomfort. It seems like every way I try to lay I get sore, have to use the bathroom, or can't breathe. I'm continuing to have my Braxton Hicks and I go in next week for our last ultrasound. My two baby showers are this week too on Saturday and Sunday :). I'm excited and thankful for those who love me enough to help. Once I have those things cleaned and put away, I will feel so much better about things. Things are moving along. I can't believe I'll be having a baby next month! :) I can't wait to see you Liam!

Richard continues to be very sweet and supportive. Everyone is overly protective and Richard still talks constantly to Liam calling him his buddy. :) I'm starting to get the "wow your really showing now" "that belly is sticking out" "I think it's grown in a few days". Oh the things people say. I have learned what not to say to someone who is pregnant!

8th Month Mark!

Today marks my 32 week and the beginning of my 8th month. I only have 5 more weeks until I reach the full term mark. Then Mr. Liam could come at anytime and be healthy! 5 weeks seems so close to be FULL TERM! I'm ready for it though. I can honestly feel my body getting more and more uncomfortable. I can definitely tell that this extra 23 lbs is taking it's toll one me. Symptoms are still the same just more intensified. I get tired just moving around which is not fun for me because I always like to do projects and clean. The breathing is getting harder and sleeping you can forget a full nights sleep. I woke up at least 5 times last night. The indigestion and heart burn is rough and I'm starting to wonder if this will ever end :). I know it's only going to get worse too. Hopefully if I gain a lb a week I'll be right at 30 lbs. That is if he takes 8 full more weeks. I really want to meet him. He is still actively rolling and moving from one side to the other. The kicks are slowly starting to dissipate but he definitely likes to roll and move. His hiccups happen about twice a day still and I can really tell he likes music and our pastor Rob's voice. He constantly moves when he hears either.

Next week we go in for a normal OB appointment, and we are also taking the tour of the labor unit. Then our next appointment will be his final ultrasound. This is the appointment I'm anxious for. We will see how big he is, what she thinks will be the best route for delivery will be, and if I've dilated any. Richard and are just anxious to see him one last time on the ultrasound :). He'll be so big.

I finished up the nursery as much as I had hoped. My showers are in a few weeks and I'm going to wait and see what I get there before I try and finish up a few last things in his room. But I feel prepared in that sense.

That's my update. Everything seems to be going as planned. I have truly been blessed in my pregnancy. Everything has gone smoothly and hopefully it will continue to do so. I'm just praying these last 7 or so weeks will go by quickly. My body might not be able to stand much more :)! I want to meet him too!

10 Weeks and Counting

Today marks my 30th week! I can definitely tell my body is changing. I'm reacting to the heat with swollen ankles and feet. I'm starting to feel nauseated after I eat things. I am having a much harder time sleeping and taking deep breaths, and I am getting A LOT bigger. I think the uncomfortable stage has successfully set it and I will still have 10 weeks OR LESS left or at least that is what I keep telling myself.

I know it doesn't sound fun but I'm trying to remember everything so I can look back on this the second time around and remember even the negatives. I went to the doctor on August 5th and everything looked great. My glucose test came back negative and I had gained right at about 20 pounds. I still can't believe I have room to gain anymore but hopefully I can stick right to 30 pounds by the time he gets here. I think a lot of it is fluid seeing that it's so terribly hot. I start going to the doctor every two weeks now. After mid September it will be every week. I'm getting anxious but can only imagine how ready I'll be to have this child out of me!! I'm ready to meet Mr. Liam.

The nursery furniture is in and set up. The hutch comes in today to the top of the dresser and then I can decorate. After my showers I'll hope to feel better about being prepared. We've registered at Target and are thankful for friends and family who giving our showers upcoming in September. I guess this all is really going to happen.

Liam is still supper active. He rolls and pushes and stretches now more than anything. He still pushes his butt and back up toward my belly button all the time, causing me to breath, and he gets the hiccups about three times a day. I so often wonder what he looks likes. It's still so hard to believe there is a human child inside me. What a God we have!

Well that's the latest update. I get his last ultrasound in 5 weeks and will know then just how big this baby is going to be :)!

Moving Right Along

It's been a month since I've updated and things are definitely changing. My last doctor's appointment went well. I had my 6 month glucose test and had to drink a sugary liquid to test for diabetes. That was no fun. After waiting an hour, I had my blood drawn, weighed in (16.5 pounds total), and met with Dr. McGuire. Liam's heart rate was at 153 and he measured perfectly. She answered a few of my questions about epidurals and concerns and said after this next appointment in August we would be in there every two weeks. I'm already at my two week appointments with only 13 weeks left to go. I know these last few months will go by so quickly. I'm ready to meet him. I can't get Karen's statement out of my head "It's like meeting someone new that you've already known."

In the past few weeks I've been feeling fairly normal. I haven't been extremely tired or fatigued. It is getting harder to breathe when Liam pushes himself toward my belly button, my back has started to ache after sitting for long periods of time, and it is getting challenging to find the perfect position to sleep in. I have had a few days of feeling miserable as far as stretching and aching goes and have learned that on some days you just feel off.

His movements have now turned to rolls and full blown rotating. He isn't just kicking anymore he is definitely growing out of room. I still can't make out exact body parts but I can definitely feel where he is and can't mistake a foot, elbow, or knee traveling from one side of my belly to the other. I can feel him kicking on my right side and all the way to the left. He is 2 lbs and 14.5 inches long. That's one skinny long baby. My belly is unmistakably pregnant now. People have started giving me the sympathy sweet smile when they notice I'm pregnant and I'm sure I'll be getting the questions soon enough. I can't believe I'm going to be entering my 3rd trimester in a week. The idea of growing a human life inside of me still blows my mind. I can't believe half of me and half of Richard have creating this miracle. I'm getting the itch to hold him now. I can't wait to just stare at him. I had my first nursing dream on the 11th. I don't remember his exact looks but I remember how elated I was. Soon enough he'll be here.

The room is officially painted and furniture is getting delivered tomorrow. My hutch is on backorder but the rest of the furniture will be put up as soon as we get home from vacation. I've picked out my fabrics for the baby bedding. Maria Murdock and Debbie Mynster are so graciously are gifting me with beautiful hand made items for his crib. My shower is on September 13th, and RIchard and I are looking forward to registering when we get home. Things are moving along quite quickly.

Emotionally I'm trying to cherish every second that I have now. I know it will never be the same, people have made that clear, so I am trying to cherish the now. Richard and I are ready to share the love we've found in each other and developed for the past 10 years with someone else. I think it will only draw us closer. I still just can't believe I'm at this stage in my life. It's where I have always wanted to be.

P.S.-This picture is at the last day of my 26th week. I wouldn't normally post my bare belly but since this blog is for my own record I decided only a choice few would see it.

June 17th Check Up

I went to the doctor last Wednesday. It was just a routine 15 minute check up. I weighed in and have gained about 12 pounds to date. Supposedly your suppose to gain in between 10 and 15 pounds so I'm right where I need to be. It still is no fun getting on that scale when you know the numbers can jump so drastically from the month before when you came in, but she did say the baby would double from last visit to this visit so that accounts for the extra 5 and a half pounds. We discussed c-sections and birthing classes and also got to hear the heartbeat. She said that as of now I look good for a vaginal birth but we would reconsider towards the end when we saw just how big Liam is going to be. She also said she didn't feel the birthing classes were necessary so I'm not sure that Richard and I will attempt those. We will see. My next visit is in three weeks. I'll have to drink the sugar drink and get my blood drawn for the glucose test. I'm not looking forward to it, but again it's part of it. His heart beat was at 159, she said he was excited. I think he always is. I can almost constantly feel him moving now even standing up, that is until someone wants to feel him kick and then of course his stops. It is such a surreal feeling to have a living being constantly moving in your body. It's just to hard to explain to someone who hasn't felt it.

This week we got the room painted with taupe and cream stripes. It's so cute. We went furniture shopping and I found exactly what I want from JCPenny but when we went to order it the shipping cost an extra 250 dollars so we decided to put it off for a bit. I don't know what I really want now but we will figure something out. I'm just glad the guest room and his room are semi-complete and painted now. I have 17 weeks left if I go full term which is really just 4 months. Ready to see what this baby looks like. I really would love to have a maternity photo session around 30 weeks or so. I have to capture this big belly, even though it's not my favorite :). There's just a lot to think about.......

Update

Well it's been about three weeks since I last updated. I think I have definitely grown since then and have been feeling a variation of different yet new symptoms. The doctor told me that between my 18 week visit and my visit coming up next week at 22 weeks the baby would double in size and I would blossom out too. She was certainly right. I have a definite pooch now and can feel my sides stretching and aching almost daily. At 18 weeks I had gained 7 lbs and I think I have probably added on about 4 or 5 more. We will find out next Wednesday. Typically you are supposed to gain anywhere between 10 and 15 pounds at this point. Oh the joys of weight gain. I haven't been eating a lot, am walking everyday, and trying not to eat to much if any junk food. I think every body is just different in how and where they gain weight. It seems to be all belly/chest now :) But it has been hard to see myself gaining weight. I have always been a petite person but I think its hard for any woman to see the scale increase daily! That has been hard.

The aching, stretching stomach has been uncomfortable too. It feels like I just have aching sides all the time. It almost as if someone is pulling down on my stomach. No stretch marks, yet though. I'm trying to be really conscious of that. My doctor said they are genetic and my mom never got any herself so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Let's see, another symptom....how about sleeplessness and restlessness at night. I wasn't sleeping to bad until the past few weeks. Getting up to use the bathroom on top of feeling uncomfortable in almost all positions is already getting me at 5 months! I can't even imagine what it will be like at 8 months. Oh joy. I'm going to have to invest in a body pillow to prop my stomach up on while I sleep :). I miss sleeping or just being able to lay on my belly!

Other than those things I'm not feeling sick or to tired. I feel pretty normal other than the few aches, pains, and frequent potty breaks! :)

Liam is so active now. I feel him every time I sit down. The kicks are getting a lot stronger and a lot more spread out across my belly. I can actually see my belly moving now! He is about 7 inches or more. Comparable to a large banana in length. I can't believe he's already that big. It's still hard for me to imagine that there is a human life growing inside of me. I don't think it will seem completely real until I hold him.

I'm hoping to start the nursery soon. I've been working on the guest room and will move into that next. Well that's my update for now. I'll update again after the next appointment. :)

It's A BOY!!

I have to say that last Wednesday was an emotional one. I will go ahead and admit that I was bit sad to hear it was boy at first. I had secretly hoped it was a girl the entire time and Richard's hope for a girl added that much more to the disappointment I felt when I first heard the news. It was an emotional ride home to say the least. I was feeling guilty for being upset about a boy, feeling nervous about the idea of raising a boy, and a little shocked to be honest. I guess I had always seen myself as having girls. The appointment/ultrasound went wonderful. I have gained 7.5 pounds so far and Dr. McGuire said I couldn't have a more perfect baby. Every thing measured well and he is developing perfectly. She said he was actually measuring a week ahead because of how LONG he is. Since his daddy is 6'4, I sort of expected that! She also commented on his second toe being longer than his first, just like Rich's ;). Below is a link to the ultrasound....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9N1-2XREoI

Needless to say the shock has since wore off and the idea of a baby boy has begun to set in. My parents were ecstatic seeing that my dad has never had any boys around, and he was even more thrilled to find out his middle name was Morgan after him and his father. He even cried a little for me :). Everyone else's reactions were wonderful. My sister screamed at the top of her lungs and my friends were really supportive and sweet. I'm excited to raise a boy with Carrie. Hopefully Mayer and Liam will be great friends!

If I could chose the gender of my children it would be a baby boy first. I will get my Liliana Rose one day :) She'll be a wonderful joy but this baby boy will be the perfect first addition.Everyone has told me that raising boys are easy and less expensive and that its good to have that older protective brother first. I have to insert a note my wonderful friend Corrie wrote me about having a boy. After reading her letter I was so relieved and have since gotten secretly excited about the idea of having a sweet baby boy who loves his momma. Below is her letter.....

With a boy, you will have this connection-- can't really be explained-- that is so tender and precious. He will light up your heart. With a girl, there are times when you would feel in competition with her for Richard's affection (at least I used to) and sometimes you would miss being the only girl in his heart. But having a boy, you are giving him an HEIR...Many couples try over and over again to have that first boy, and you are having one the very first try!! This boy will be a Van Kluyve for the rest of his life, and will be Richard's legacy. Boy's are also easier than girls-- emotionally, and with clothes, etc...and although you are looking forward to doing all the girly stuff with a daughter one day, boys are an easier way to learn how to be a mommy..honestly. Then when you have a daughter, you will have a lot of the difficult new experiences already under your belt. Not only that, but I have two older brothers...and let me tell you...I wouldn't trade that relationship for ANYTHING. Stan, especially, has been a rock in my life and I cannot imagine not having a protective older brother!! Now, when you have a little girl, she will have an older brother to protect her and drive her places before she gets her license and fight off her suitors and...and...and... The list is endless. Not only that, but one day your son will be an adult himself, and when he looks at you with such love and devotion, you will be reminded what a miracle from God he is. There is a friction you will feel with a girl, emotionally, that though you wouldn't trade her for anything, can be very frustrating. You won't have that friction with a son.

She always makes me feel so much better. So the planning begins. After telling everyone about the news and letting the news sink in, I am ready to start getting ready for this little guy. I can't wait to see his room finished and imagine him being in it. I'm going to try and enjoy these last few months with my hubby though because I know it will never be the same. I am looking forward to the change though. I think having a family will draw us that much more together. We are already talking to him and singing to him. He will have to get used to the idea that his parents are crazy, crazy in love and crazy about him :).

So here's to our baby boy, that will be spoiled rotten, dressed to the max (thanks to dad), and deeply loved. :)

I love you Liam Morgan already more than you know!

Dear Baby

I'm in my 18th week and tomorrow at 9:45 we are finding out what this little booger is. For four and a half months I've carried this little bean with me, and tomorrow I will finally feel truly connected. I'm anxious and excited. Either way, boy or girl, I know this baby will be more loved and more spoiled than it can ever imagine!

This baby is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Richard's side has all boys and my said has many girls, so either way everyone is ready to know. I'm excited to start getting ready for this little one. Nursery, clothes, the whole works! I think after tomorrow this whole pregnancy will feel that much more real!

I've been feeling good. I can tell my stomach is stretching and moving by the pressure and achiness but other than that, I don't feel pregnant much anymore, that is until I feel the squirming going on inside. The movements are still sporadic but more consistent. It's hard to describe to someone what it exactly feels like. Just like tiny pops and jolts of popcorn in your lower tummy. Tomorrow we will get the whole anatomy screening. We will see its face, lips, hands, legs, etc...finally it will look like a ready baby instead of a tiny bean. :)!! I wrote a short letter to this little one and am posting it below. I'm more or less doing this so that I can print these blogs and put it in his or her baby book as a record of how he/she was carried into this world. Wahooo for tomorrow!


Dear Little One,

For as long as I remember, you have been on my heart and in my thoughts. Growing up all I every wanted with my life was to love a child. Only the Lord could have foreseen what my life would look like, and even then as I played with dolls HE knew I'd be sitting here now with you inside me. He's knitting you together perfectly for his will, and I am already completely astounded at the miracle that you are. You've already taught me patience and perseverance, and I am utterly looking forward to meeting you. Whether or not you are a boy a girl, you will be loved for the gifts and talents the Lord is instilling in you as we speak. You will be shown His love, taught how to be honest, patient, and most importantly loving. There are so many wonderful things I want to teach you and show you, and I am grateful to have been given this chance to carry such a miracle into this world. Your Dad and I promise to love you unconditionally for our entire lives and for our everlasting lives with Him.
I love you, Mom :)

16th Week

Here's a pictures of what a baby looks like at 16 weeks.

I'm coming to the close of my 16th week. I am heading strong into my 4th month. It really does seem to go by fast. Well at least at times. I am ready for it to though. This week I've experienced a lot of firsts. On Monday, I started feeling movement for the first time. I might have been feeling it a few weeks ago, but I officially recognized it as being the baby this week. It feels like tiny popcorn inside your belly. I just love to imagine what it's doing inside there. :) Everytime I sneeze, it moves a little :). Wednesday night (5/6) was the first time that Richard felt it with his hand. He was to cute about it. He was grinning from ear to ear, and I was laughing at him because he kept saying "shhhh" "shhhh"! I asked told him it didn't matter if I was talking or not and he said it helped him "concentrate" more if I was quiet. So every night since then we get in bed together and his hand travels right to my belly. To me the baby is most active mid day and right when I get in bed. That may be because I am sitting long enough to notice it moving but it is a fun treat at night for the both of us. Physically I've been feeling pretty normal. I've just started getting those side muscle ache's from the streching today. It feels like I just worked my abs out for hours. I guess it comes with the streching, but it's not a lot of fun. It's hard seeing your body change so much. Get ready girls it will all be different! Other than feeling tired at times, I'm doing good. Only 10 more days until we know what this little one is! I am ready for that! Ready to see this baby again on ultrasound too. It's comforting though feeling it move now. I'm still finding myself a little leary of all the attention. I'm not one who likes attention in the first place and it seems that's all I'm getting. I know it will only get worse too. I'll take it in stride! We are going to try and narrow down our names this week so that we can have our name to anounce when we find out what we are having. :) I got a few baby gifts this week too:) A bottle warmer unit, some stuffed animals, and a swaddler. I can't imagine what the first grandchild will rake in :). Poor spoiled thing. Well today was my first Mother's Day. It was exciting to hear. Sometimes I'm so ready to meet this little life and at other times I'm trying to soak in all my quiet moments with Rich :). Oh the wave of emotion it all brings. It truley takes over all parts of you but as everyone says "It will all be worth it."

On to week 17! I can't believe there are 40!

15 Week Appointment

Yesterday was my 15 week check up. Same ole' same ole' though. I got weighed, got a few questions answered, and heard that heartbeat on doppler. That is always comforting. At first she couldn't find the heartbeat and said the baby was just moving to fast for her to catch it. Then she realized that she needed her other wand that that measured shorter depths. She said because I was petite I didn't need the deeper depth wand. So she went and got the shorter one and immediately there was the heartbeat. Fast again first starting at 159 then jumping up to 163. I asked her if she thought girls had higher heart rates and she said that in the last trimester girls almost always have higher heartbeats. She said that is why delivery nurses can guess what your having by the heart monitors. She said it's hard to tell when babies are this small and that most babies at this stage measure anywhere from 150 to 160. So we will see. I also have still only gained 3.5 pounds. I was sure I had gained more but nothing yet. She said that she's seen some mothers not gain anything until after 6 months. So I figure that 3.5 at 4 months is pretty decent. I can definitely feel my uterus moving up. It's to the point now that Richard can feel it too. It starts real low and is slowly making its way toward my belly button. I think have have felt a few different movements but she said that most mothers don't fully recognize a baby kick until around 18 weeks. She said I may be feeling something but because I haven't had a baby before I could easily mistake it for gas or simple rumbling. Since all your organs are being shifted around it's easy to feel anything weird at this point.  So we find out in three weeks what this little one is. Hopefully I will really narrow down some names in that time frame. I'm hoping to get a baby name book I can mark up soon. Once we find out what this little one is the room and everything will start taking shape. Then the excitement builds even more. I'm trying to post a video of my baby's heartbeat from yesterday but it won't up load, I might try later. 

14 Weeks

Well nothing much exciting has happened in the past two weeks with the pregnancy. My belly is growing though. I've felt reasonably good. I guess it's true, after 12 weeks you start to feel a bit normal again. I have to admit though that 9 months is truly a long time for your body to feel so abnormal. Everything is focused on and geared toward making this life inside of me. It is still so crazy to think about. I've decided that the first 12 to 14 weeks of pregnancy are just not fun. You just feel tired and not normal. Nothing about you seems to be the way it was. I often asked myself if I'd ever feel normal again :). Its just that in the first few weeks you don't feel pregnant, you feel bloated, and you just feel weird. You can't feel the baby or know what it is you just are in waiting mode. I hate to complain because I have it it reasonably well with little sickness. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm living in a foreign body. I know I have 6 more months of this too. Once we find out what it is in four weeks and I can feel this little baby moving, I think I'll feel wonderfully different. I'm just venting a bit :). I'm preparing all you unpregnant women for what may come. You may love being pregnant though. A few symptoms I've had lately are weird aching pains in all over my stomach. Stretching, moving, pulling aches that are just plain unnatural. I guess my belly is just shifting and rotating and making more room. I've also had a heightened sense of smell. I can smell EVERYTHING even when Richard doesn't. It's strange. I also have the weirdest aftertaste after everything I eat. I just want to brush my teeth all the time. Strange happenings I know.

I'm posting the last picture of my belly. It's ever growing. :) That's about it for now. Off to play bunco tonight! :)

12 Weeks Today!!!

Today marks my 12th week and my 12th week check up. I was expecting to get weighed this week and hear the heartbeat by a doppler device, but I was gladly mistaken when they told me I would have an ultrasound. My wonderful doctor told me that she prefers giving a 12 week ultrasound over using a doppler because sometimes its hard to find a heartbeat at 12 weeks and she hates to scare mothers when she cant find it. So she gives her mothers the reassurrance they need and that she gave me. The baby was moving and active as ever. Our "little one's" arms were moving and head was moving. The heartbeat was 162 and it measured 5.34 cm. I have heard that girls heartbeats are higher, but I have friends who's boys heartrates were just as high. So we will see. I have gained 3 and a half pounds in the 12 weeks, and I am feeling good. The nausea really hasn't bugged me in a week or so as long as I eat. Things are good. Richard wasn't at this ultrasound. He is at the Master's and I miss him terribly. He was so upset that he missed this becaue like I said we weren't expecting the ultrasound but luckily we chated earlier and I got to show him everything. He is so very excited. It makes me love him that much more. Well that's 12 weeks. I'm ready to feel this baby! Only 6 more till we know what it is! I'm thanking the Lord for the blessings He has already given us, and looking foward to the future.

Money Pit is starting :)

Well I've paid all of two bills so far just for lab work and already paid $300 bucks :). The actual bills were close to 1000, but with insurance I had to pay 20%. That's only after the first set of lab work! :) Just wanted to inform everyone to save up for babies because when the bills come in they come in. I am going Monday to settle all the bills overall. Should be interesting. No one tells you all this stuff. I'm figuring on about three grand out of pocket with a normal delivery. We will see.

Today was beautiful outside. I just didn't really feel like enjoying it. It's amazing how truly unlike yourself you feel. Honestly just an overall BLAH feeling would suffice. No energy and no motivation have all been apart of this 11 and a half weeks and that is so unlike me. I'm ready for some change!

Richard is leaving Friday for a week :(. I don't know if I can stand it. I never like it when he leaves but being pregnant makes it so much worse. Hopefully it goes by faster than fast.

Week 11. . . .

Well I made it on my first trip. We just got back from Detroit, Michigan yesterday. I made the eight hour drive feeling fine. I was a little concerned about it seeing that I get car sick on top of being pregnant but it was ok. Those Reglan pills my doctor gave me sure came in handy. It's finally week 11. It seems like it is just dragging by. I want to be done with this first trimester so badly that I think I'm making the time seem slower. I still have the same symptoms. I need to eat alot. I'm not showing in the mornings. I can tell, but no one else can. After I eat you sure can tell though. I get supper bloated after I eat anything but unfortunately it goes away. I know there's something going on though. TMI-I know, but my boobs are bigger and my pants are a little snugger. Guess that's how it goes. I'm also beginning to wonder when other people started to show with their first baby. Guess I will have to ask around more! :) I'm ready ready ready to feel this baby. My next appointment is next Monday. Just a check up to weigh me and listen to the heartbeat. I can't wait to hear that heartbeat again! It is very comforting! I haven't been reading to much. Just keeping up with my "what to expect" book as far as weeks go. I'm trying to eat as healthy as I can although the doctor said the first 12 weeks are survival weeks and to eat whatever I felt like I could handle. So I snack alot. No caffeine though. None! Well maybe a sip that's it. I've had the weirdest belching since I got pregnant. I know it's gross but that is one of my major symptoms. I'll sure take that over getting sick though. I've got my nursery ideas in my mind, but I think I'm just going to wait on buying things until I know what this baby is. Only 7 more weeks!!

Beside baby news, things are good at home. Same ole, same ole! Rich is leaving for the Master's golf tournament Saturday. Not looking forward to being husbandless for 5 days. When you get pregnant you seem to need them to just be there so much more! I think it will be rough on me! We are looking for a new car. We've only had one for over 6 months. It's been fine because I work from home and Rich is usually home on and off all day, but we are gonna need something before October. Some kind of SUV, hopefully the Cadillac we want :). Family is good. Life is a blessing. :) That's my update for now.

10 Weeks and Counting

Yesterday was my 10 week mark. It was one of the best days I have had so far that is until dinner. I had so much energy yesterday and completely forgot that I was pregnant but when I came down from finishing up my work I started to get a little nauseous. No biggie right, just eat it will go away. This time it didn't and I immediately took one of my Reglan pills that my obgyn gave me for nausea. Those have been life savers. When you are pregnant get them for backup. I've only had to use 3 so far, but it really does take away any sickness I promise. I was already so nauseous by the time I started making dinner that the smell of the food hit me like a ton of bricks. I just knew it would be my first date with the toilet. I was determined to not let it be but then again anything would have felt better. I laid down with a cold rag and after about 30 to 45 minutes it went away. I think the pill kicked in and I was up and around eating too like nothing had happened. My first spell of vomiting was avoided! My doctor said that if I could make it through 10 weeks she thought I would be sick free. Last night when I started to get sick I was so frustrated but thank God it went away. We are leaving tomorrow for an 8 hour car trip to Michigan with some friends. I sure hope my normal car sickness doesn't mix with the pregnancy! You better believe my pills will be at my side. I weighed this morning. I've gained about 2 lbs which is ok I guess. Your supposed to gain between 2 and 4 lbs during your first 12 weeks. I just hope I don't blimp out in the next few. I need to get walking again. I tried walking a few weeks ago and it made me really sick feeling. My doctor told me to wait until after 12 weeks. She said to then try exercising again. I guess exercising can be to much for some moms during the first few weeks. Well that's been my rollacoaster ride for the past few days. It seems like there are always good and bad days. I am just ready to feel this baby and have reassurance that there is a life inside of me that my body is fighting to create just perfectly. A LIFE inside of me! No wonder you get so out of wack!

Now on to another day. We will see how it goes. Maybe if I'm brave I'll post some belly pics soon.

Word travels fast....

    

It seems like the word is officially out now. We have pretty much announced to everyone that we are expecting. I think that as far as the majority goes, we have covered all the bases. If not, word will keep spreading I'm sure. Facebook really helped in that matter! Henry and Virginia want to be called Nonie and Popie. :) They just informed us of that. My mom and dad want to be called Mimi and Pop, and Donna wants to be called Nonna. I haven't heard from Rick yet, but our child will be so confused with all these names. That doesn't even include Donna's parents. Poor child. Everything seems to be going fairly well. I still have to eat every few hours and will be more than happy when these 12 weeks are over. I think my mom is even more protective now than she ever has been. She calls me everyday but now its a lot more. I'm sure it will die down once the shock has surpassed but it is still a bit overwhelming. It might die down for maybe 9 weeks until we find out what it is. Then comes the spoiling. Anyway I just wanted to write a quick update. I'm trying to keep some form of record of this pregnancy for my own memories and for my friends who may want some advice when they are going through it.

Carrie brought Mayer home yesterday. I hope she is feeling good! He is just a beautiful gift! I can't wait to see mine!! I'm attaching some pictures that we have taken up until now :).

Baby Journal... may be TMI beware! :)

January 22nd, Tried Conception Today!

January 23rd, Still Trying to Conceive!

February 12th, I cannot believe this is my
body!

I've missed my period for four days now. I'm assuming I am pregnant. The first two test that I took were negative, but I bought the cheap ones and don't think I took them right. I'm going to take another one tomorrow morning. I've had nausea but no vomiting. I've had horrible lower abdomen cramping, like I would have had on my period, tender breasts, and an overall weird feeling. I can't believe when you find out your pregnant you are already four weeks. Richard and I are anxious to find out just exactly if I am pregnant, we will see!!

February 13th, The Most Amazing thing Happened!

The first few tests I took were negative. I think again it was because of the less sensitive brand I took and because I took them on the day of my missed period. Well today is Friday and I took the final one of the pack. Immediately the pregnancy showed up! So there is no denying it! I am PREGNANT! Richard is working out! I'm going to have the video camera ready when he gets home! :) I did wake up with some brown discharge. I hope this is normal. Right now, I feel nauseous but that's OK! Last night I was secretly elated to myself. I know my body and new I was pregnant! I don't think it will sink in until I hear that heartbeat!!! Lord bless this child as you knit him or her together in my womb.

February 16th, First Appointment!

I'm going to my first doctor's appointment today! I'm just meeting with the nurses and getting blood work, an exam, and all the pre-visit over with. I'll find out the due date and how far I am :). I feel great, as long as I keep eating!

Well, I went to the doctor. I am official PREGNANT! My urine sample was positive. She said it was faint at first but then popped right up as positive. We went over questions and concerns. She drew my blood (a lot of it) and then set me up for my next appointment to see the first ultrasound at 8 weeks and hear the heartbeat on March 9th. So in three weeks, we can see our "Little one." Rich and I have named it that so we can have something to call he or she for the next 16 weeks. I have to say when I left here I was all SMILES. I am just full of joy! We have decided to wait until after our March 9th appointment to tell anyone. We want to make sure the baby looks healthy. My nausea has gone away. As long as I eat every few hours all day long, I am good to go. She prescribed me two prescriptions for nausea incase it gets worse. I am praying that I continue to feel good so that I can enjoy this special miracle growing inside me. What a blessing.

February 18th, Blood Work

Today my doctor called and left a message on my phone. I was very nervous when I saw the call. The nurse had told me they would call if there were any problems with my blood work. Of coarse I assumed something was wrong when I saw that I missed the call. Well I wrong. The nurse just told me that all my blood work came back normal every test they ran was perfect. She also said that my thyroid was normal, which was a relief and it means the medicine is working. She told me I was (O+) and that everything was great. It was a great relief to here. I have felt great the past few days and just now I feel a little nauseous. I pray that I continue to feel well. I think what I am most leery about is telling everyone. I just don't want to. Isn't that weird! I pray that changes too!

February 20th, BLAH!

This morning, I woke up with a sore throat. Just what I need, huh? So far, today has been the most sluggish day. I feel so tired and crappy. I think it has to do with the cold symptoms I have but also the baby. I have yet to throw up, knock on wood. I'm so nervous it will get really bad, but I have read of woman who already can't keep things down and who don't even want to eat. I still have my appetite, more so than usual, and if I eat all the time throughout the day, the nausea seems to be somewhat contained. Again, knock on wood. I think today I just feel under the weather because of this cold or something like a cold I have picked up. I did look at more baby names today. I am still partial towards our few originals. We will see if those change, even though they haven't in years. It's crazy to think I can even be looking at names, but I still want to think about a lot more names. I have the time! I wish my first trimester was over. I wish my family and friends new and that was blown over, and I wish that I knew what this new miracle was inside of me! A lot of wishing! :) Today I just plan on hopefully running a few errands and relaxing with my husband tonight! :) Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I'm supposed to help Carrie with some things for Mayer. Do you know how hard it is to not tell your best friend who is pregnant that you’re pregnant? I just want to wait until he's here and she has had her moments! :) Did I mention I am still as nervous as ever to tell people? UGH I hate unwanted attention

March 7th, Feelings up Until Now.

I've been wanting to write about my feelings and what my body has been going through up until now and I am just now finding the time to do so. I will be 8 weeks on Monday. Richard and I go to our first ultrasound that day and get to see the "little one" and hear its heartbeat. We have been counting down the days until this. I think it will be even more real once we see and hear it. It will seem real then. As for the past four weeks, I haven't felt bad to my surprise. Since I've always been the one with the weak stomach, I figured I would be the misfortunate one who was always throwing up and have a miserable time. I even have a few friends who would always say how bad it would be for me. Ironically enough, knock on wood, it hasn't been bad at all. I have my moments where I feel sick to my stomach but as long as I never reach the hunger stage, I'm good. I've had to eat something every 2 hours to feel fine, but as long as I do that I'm not sick. I do feel exhausted and at times it will just take over me. I'm hoping that morning sickness won't just creep up on me after 8 weeks. I'm going to ask the doctor if she thinks that it will just appear. I'm just praying that I'll continue to feel this good. SHOCKED though that I feel remotely good. Blessed! Symptoms so far: 1. Extreme bloating to where I look pregnant. Here one day gone the next. 2. Moments of nausea that is dispersed with food. 3. Two moments of faintness/vomiting spells that did not happen. I think they were caused by waiting to long to eat breakfast and working out and getting to hot in the shower 4. Some dizziness 5. Overall exhaustion. 6. Sore breasts! 7. Discharge/two days at 4 weeks of brown spotting. Gone since. Not a worry though. Normal. 8. Moments of anxiousness about telling the family and carrying a baby. 9. Emotional lows and highs. Cry baby! 10. Dry mouth/stuffiness every morning. 11. Thirsty A LOT 12. Weird skin irritation. 12. Minimal crampiness. SO there you have it. My 8 weeks in a nut shell. Overall I feel surprisingly good. SO good that I won't believe there is a baby in there until I see it on Monday. Praying it all goes well.Carrie still hasn't had her baby. Don't want to tell anyone until she does. I still don't want to tell anyone period. I just loathe the attention and reactions. Scared for some weird reason. Not the reaction I thought I would have to getting pregnant. So we will see. Maybe after Monday I will feel better about telling everyone. I will wait on Mayer though. Maybe at 10 weeks.

March 9th, First Ultrasound

Today was out first ultrasound and it was amazing. I went in and actually had already gained 1 lb. I guess that is because I am eating every two hours so I don't get sick and am bloated. It seems to be subduing, the sickness, so I will sacrifice my body and gain a few lbs to stop from throwing up. Anyway, we went in and Richard got to meet Dr. McGuire. He loved her. I can't believe that she actually did the ultrasound and stayed with us in the room for so long. She treats me like I'm her only patient and I truly love that about her and her office. She is so caring and wonderful. I know I'm in good hands. Well she did my annual PAP before I got to preggo and then did my first ultrasound on my tummy. She showed us the baby and the heart beat. She said it was PERFECT baby. It had separated from the sack perfectly and had connected to me perfectly. The heartbeat was amazing to hear 156 beats per minute. Then she asked if I wanted a vaginal ultrasound because we could see the baby better. Of course I wanted too. We then saw the baby clear with little arm and leg buds starting to form and a perfect little 1.54 cm bean :). She laughed when she came in because she remembered me telling her that I wanted to get preggo in January and sure enough I did. She also laughed when she measured the baby crown to rump and he/she was exactly 8 weeks. My planning paid off. She also said it can take a healthy couple 8 months to conceive. So Richard and I are truly blessed. She answered my questions. Said I could eat lunch meat and travel and to relax and try exercising again after 12 weeks. She said to do yoga or palates to stretch myself out for labor. She was wonderful and we left carrying out first baby photos with us. Richard was so excited he could hardly stand it. He asks to see the pictures every night before we get in bed. I love him! He says he knows it’s a girl. I hope he’s right. But will be blessed with either or! ☺ I will write more soon. Glad the first apt went well. We are "planning" on telling next week!

The Pregnancy Story of "OurLittle One"

In October of 2008, Richard and I decided to get off the pill. I spent three months preparing my body for conception. Preparing in a sense that I charted my cycles and started immediately on Folic Acid and Prenatal Vitamins. Once I realized that my cycles were normal and ovulation was easily chartable,  we decided to start trying. So on the weekend of January the 23rd we began the process. I have to admit, during those three months I couldn't fathom the idea that we were going to make a baby. I went back and forth on the "Am I ready" thoughts, and we prayed a great deal about it. In no way was I ever scared to raise a child, just unsure about the whole process. I finally told the Lord that if it was his will we would get pregnant and in return had a great peace. I always had in the back of my mind that conception can take 6 months to a year for a healthy 25 year old, and I was never sure quite how long it would take me. Little did I know that the first time was a charm :). 

I have to say that the anticipation after that weekend was unbearable. Having to wait two weeks to see if you are pregnant or not is really tough. You just worry about if it worked and are fearful of disappointment. It's all that is on your mind. I started having normal cramping around February 8th and 9th. I was supposed to start my period on Monday the 9th and it never came. On Wednesday I bought a package of test and decided that I would take one. The funny part was trying to pee on the stick. I felt like I was doing it all wrong. The first test I took came up negative. I was a little disappointed, and felt like I was let down but decided that if my period didn't come it wasn't going to come and if it did we would try again. I ran a few errands and when I came back decided to look at the test one more time and when I did there was a faint line across the pregnancy side. I got a little hopeful and decided to take one more test. Well I did, and it came up negative as well. So I decided to wait a few more days before I took the final test. My period never showed and on Friday I took the test. Richard was out and I set the video camera up and had it in my hands when he came it. He screamed "NO WAY" and reacted just how I thought he would. It was a sweet time. 

So the secrecy began. We went to our first doctors appointment at 5 weeks and they drew what felt my liters of my blood and confirmed my pregnancy. I was reassured when they called that I was indeed in good health, O+, and my thyroid levels were perfect. Everything was on the right track. We waited three weeks until our 8 weeks appointment. During that time I was expecting myself to be super sick, but instead, I was pleasantly surprised. I have felt all the normal symptoms and side effects, but I have yet to get SICK! Knock on wood. Me, the one with the weak stomach who can't eat a lot of sugar, red meat, or cokes, hasn't gotten sick. It's very ironic. My doctor had even given me prescriptions for nausea pills, and I have yet to have to take one of them. 

At our 8 week appointment we had our first ultrasound. We saw the little bean as I call it and got to hear the heart beat. 156 beats per minute. I will post a pic soon. It was a blessing and a comfort to see and hear that everything was ok. She told me that now would be a good time to tell everyone seeing that miscarriages drop to 5% after 8 weeks and hearing a healthy heartbeat. Richard and I left the doctors office thrilled. He was begging to tell the world, but I wanted to make sure Carrie had Mayer and her time wasn't stolen by our news. 

Carrie had Mayer early Monday morning and we told both our parents Monday night. We bought them each a baby outfit and a picture of the ultrasound. We played it off as being an anniversary gift for my parents. They were so shocked and unbelievably happy. We caught it all on video. It was perfect. Richard's parents came over later that night and we showed them what we got our parents and they were beyond floored to. We called the extended family to. My favorite two reactions were from my aunt and Richard's grandfather Henry. My mom told my aunt that we had given her an ultrasound to which my aunt responded "Oh great, of what?" Henry also said "Are you telling me your wife is expecting?" They were thrilled once it clicked but those were by far priceless reactions. 

The news has been quickly spreading since. We told all our friends and I will never forget each of their reactions. The scream out load from Jenny in Subway. The screaming through the phone from Jess and her nervous knotted stomach all night at bunco, the "I just am so excited" from Carrie one hundred times, and oh the "I am crying, bless my heart" from Casey. Everyone's reactions were sweet and perfect. I must even say a few people were pretty good with their intuitions. Claiming they new way in advance. Its been exciting and a little overwhelming, but I am thankful that so many people are happy for us! And more than thankful that the news is out! So the journey begins! :) 

Below is a post of all the journal entries I had before I blogged. Just a step by step journey. I want to have this so my friends who will be getting pregnant sooner than later can see how it feels. It was a pretty lonely time there for a while. So this is mainly for my memories and for my friends. :)