Today marks the 3rd day of my 37th week. 18 more days till my due date, but thankfully only a few more till I'm induced. So many things are running through my mind. At my last checkup yesterday Dr. McGuire said I was a full 3 cm and 100% effaced. She also said his head was right within touch. Its amazing that I am already so far along and yet nothing has progressed me into active labor. I'm pretty miserable now. I haven't been out of the house much in two and a half weeks. I just get to nervous that my water will break or my contractions will pick up if I'm out and about. They seem to come on the more I move around and while most women welcome this, I have had to keep him in until full term which was Monday. So resting has been what I've had to do. It's been hard. This is hard on your body and spirit. Not to many people tell you that.
There's a constant since of urgency on your brian too. You want to make sure again and again that the bags are packed just right and that everything is in place. Your brain is constantly concerned with what your body is feeling and if it is time. Most women don't have to deal with the early labor I have had. I've dealt cramping and contractions for the last two and half weeks. They are uncomfortable and stressful. I've dealt with Tributalene medication that has made me feel terrible and now I'm justing bearing through contraction after contraction that doesn't seem to amount to anything. A lot of women don't feel this until they are in labor so they have a clear answer as to whether they should go in or not, but since I've had them for weeks I'm still not quite sure as to when I should go. I've been told to wait until my water breaks or my contractions are 5 minutes apart and terribly unbearable. I'm just concerned that since I've already dilated to 3 cm the actual labor will speed things up and happen to quickly.
I just want to say this has been the hardest part of pregnancy for me. The constant thoughts about the new baby and about how things will play out, the waiting game, the intense pressure on my body, and the constant fear of the unknown about birth. I still have a hard time believing that there is an actual human being inside of my body that I'm going to meet very soon. I can't wait to meet him but I'm ready for this process to be over. Negative Nancy I guess you could call me, but at this point and with this discomfort I am just ready to hold my baby and have my body back. 10 months is A LONG time to not feel like yourself. I've been blessed with a great pregnancy but these past few weeks have put a toll on my body and my emotions.
SO hopefully next time I write will be expressing how incredible it feels to be a mother. I have enjoyed snuggling with my husband and remembering all the times we've had thus far together, and we are getting excited about the new memories we will make as a family. It's been emotional to think about the change that's going to happen, considering it will never be the two of us again, but I think we are ready to pour our 10 years worth of loving each other into someone else. He is so wonderful and is so excited to meet his boy or his "buddy" as he was say. We are leaning on and trusting our Lord and trying to wait patiently!!
Info to remember ***
(I've gained about 25.5 pounds to date. I think that's where I'll stay, and we are thinking Liam will be between 6.12 and 7.3 lbs) :).