Monotony

Here I sit, a week after surgery. Still sitting and laying, sitting and laying. My house has reached its dirtiest. Well, according to me its dirtiest. I guess to others it still might be semi-clean. I've watched as many HGTV shows that could possibly air, and I am reaching the decorating point of no return. I've found myself contemplating my "style" and trying to figure out what I can do next in my own house. I guess that what's you get for lying around for a week. I wish I could just be complacent. At some point you have to be satisfied right? I guess not. Not in this country where style and greed control everything. That's another blog right? For now I'm just battling nausea, acute pain, and boredom.

Sitting here has humbled me. It has made me thankful for my husband. You wouldn't believe how wonderfully he has taken care of me. He has never left my side during any of this. He works so hard for us and yet still makes me feel unbelievably loved. It makes me thankful for my heavenly father as well.

I guess this blog really had no point other than its title. I'm just bored. Bored, but thankful!

Enduring Pain

Enduring pain has been my trial for the week. After overcoming the fear of surgery, I've had to overcome the pain that follows it. The surgery itself was easy. It was nothing for me to lay in the chair and get slowly put to sleep. It was nothing for me simply because I didn't remember anything until Richard carried me to the bed. After I realized what had happened, the pain set in. After throwing up blood, bleeding for 24 hours, and being in a constant spaced out state, I realized just how traumatic the experience really was. I think everyone was being nice when they said "It's nothing" "You'll be fine"! I guess it's different for everyone. Here it is Saturday, five days after surgery, and I am still not feeling like myself. I have had to go back to the doctor twice and get three of my teeth or hole's packed because of dry sockets. Right now I am not in "pain" but I am uncomfortable with an aching and constant sense of pressure in my mouth, not to mention that the left side of my bottom lip is still numb. Needless to say, I have overcome my fear of surgery. I do not however wish this experience upon anyone else. The one thing I have learned after all this is that I am ready for labor! If I can go through this crying intense bloody pain for a week, I can certainly undergo labor with DRUGS! I guess it just has taught me that life has experiences that aren't necessarily enjoyable and that in two weeks, hopefully this will just be a thing of the past.

Why Blog?

I don't know if anyone will ever read these blogs other than myself. I don't think I would even want people to read them. I've always loved to write, and I have every since I was little. I guess that's why I feel the Lord wants me to write books, but I've never been one to openly share my deepest thoughts. I would often write them down, but not in "blog" sense. It seems that when I do write them, I feel better about them. So the purpose of my blogs are simply to release my inner self at times when I don't know what else to do. I always feel better after I write. In a way, writing detoxes the thoughts that often cloud my insides. All that to say. . . . I blog for myself. For my own personal release of emotion, and more times than none, it makes me feel free.

Beating the Devil

As trivial as it may seem, I am having oral surgery on Monday. I know it seems as if it's just a surgery to some, but I've truly struggled with anxiety and fear over the situation. But through the dread, I've learned that the devil's greatest snare's in my life are all associated around "what ifs"! These what ifs revolve around my constant fears that often seem absurd and never truly play out. So, I've been "coaching" myself if you will, to be strong and dependent upon the Lord for this circumstance. I'm hoping that I go into this with a confidence in my doctor and with a confidence that my God will be with me through it all. In a way, I want this to be a learning experience for myself. I want my faith to over power my fears. People always say to turn everything over to the Lord. I have to admit, I've had a hard time doing that in the past. No matter how hard I pray and and ask the fears to be taken away, they still plague my emotions and thoughts. I guess I've never realized how to completely release and trust the one who already knows the outcome and who would never leave me. So in a way, I'm praying that this surgery is a self renewing experience. One that allows me to see the strength the Lord can give and one that finally allows me the chance to completely turn something over depending utterly upon my faith! Not only will I loose the nagging literal pain within my mouth, but I will loose the fear that has been nagging me for the past year, and as a result, I will get out of the snares that the devil has bound me in. So I'm taking this situation head on, leaving the devil, with my snares, behind!!